Hi Everyone,
Today I woke up early and completed all my routine work so fast… Was looking at the movies website and thinking to watch some good movie… I m not a big fan of SRK but somehow I clicked on SRK movie page… suddenly my eyeball got stuck on “Kabhi Alvida na kehna” … Oh my gosh, such a boring movie and such a indigestible concept… How people go for an extra marital relation when they are happy enough with the current partner???
I thought for a while and then decided to portrait my views in an article. I know it’s a very touchy topic and everyone is having different opinions for this. I have seen many couples in my life who are very happy with their life but want some extra fun and that extra for them is having an affair with the good old buddy, colleague or the person who met last nite in a club.
I thought for a while and then decided to portrait my views in an article. I know it’s a very touchy topic and everyone is having different opinions for this. I have seen many couples in my life who are very happy with their life but want some extra fun and that extra for them is having an affair with the good old buddy, colleague or the person who met last nite in a club.
When we think practically, it seems to be a rubbish to get involved in such a relation when u r already committed to the other person but at some point of time “It’s a one’s opinion, one’s decision, or I can say one’s liking”!!!
According to one of my friend (He would not appreciate if I give his identity ;)): ” It's interesting and can be fun and it's typical thing to happen when the two in marriage live alone and spend most of the time just with each other. Eventually they start getting bored of each other... and... Extramarital relations start taking place!
Sometimes the above few lines happen to be a very true!!!
For some ppl “Its all about Cheating”, For sm ppl “Its all about having fun”, For some ppl “ Its all about exploring some new facet of the relation” Here exploring something new doesn’t mean to get involved in some physical relation but sometimes it also means to involve emotionally with the other person.
Having an affair is always a bad decision for me but can u imaging some ppl who are stretching their relation just bcoz thy are married.. no matter how happy are they but they don’t wanna end up that relation.. for thm I guess, having some new partner in their life who gives more happiness, more care, more love is a wise decision. I am not telling that this kind of affairs are good enough to continue with but they are good for certain kind of relations… finally everyone needs to be get loved and cuddled!!!
At my point of view: “Once you cheat, you destroy the unspoken trust that is the glue upon which all relationships are founded. I knew that without that bond, any relationship is bound to fizzle. “
I don’t feel proud of being involved with someone who belongs to someone else but at the same time when you are broken soul and you hold onto the person who has the patience to listen to your sad story, make sense of your irrational thoughts and teach you what it means to love isnt selfish and it cannot be called bad but its good decision.
So finally, to conclude this topic, I would say Its all about taking a wise decision.. If you are happy with your current partner then think twice before getting involved with the other person… But If you sense trouble in your relation, you should seek counseling. Always give second chance.. An affair wont resolve anything!!!
If you are in extramarital affair, you can never justify urself.. no matter what brings you in that and what encouraged you to do so.. The relation and ppl both would never be appreciated…
Before posting this article, I have asked my hubby for his opinion and he concluded very wisely “You can go for it if you feel our marriage doesn’t sound successful ;)
First of all Ruja, a very very good write-up! I would say the yanks have improved your writing skills :)
ReplyDeleteGuys,
Decision making is always scary, but that should not hold anyone from making decisions. We, as humans, are always seeking excuses to meet our expectations. That is the reason why a certain traint/act at one point if time in life looks right and at other point of time looks wrong.
If a father reads this, looking at it as a relationship (and not extra maritial affair), he would always feel bad about what his daughter/son did by marrying someone outside. But the instituion of marriage is the pious factor working in convincing the father that what his daughter/son is doing is right!
The same applies to extra maritial affairs too! If a society/instituion allows, each individual would wish to go ahead and do an affair - for a change ;-)
However, in a true relationship, even the assurance that "aal izz well" if you go ahead and have an affair is a big reward, and a compelling reason to not do the affair! But then, in all maritial relationships, the greatest challenge is bringing about variety. It is up to both the mates to decide how the change can be brought in. There are many ways in which such changes are possible and one learns them as one grows.
An affair is not a "paap" but at the sme time, it is not a "punya". So if you are willing to do an affair because the whole world is doing (or allowing), there are many other things that the world does. Therefore, whatever you, you as an individual do, is the truth and is always correct. Everyone has the right to manipulate ones own desires by ensuring that it does not become poison. Anything is excess is poison.
Finally, I don't wish to promote the idea on this blog but you can't be happy living in the same home, having the same kind of food and wearing the same kind of clothes. Changing places on weekend, eating out or wearing someting good is always justified! Only caveat is that "U" decide "how much is too much".
Have fun guys!
First of all, good to see the first blog of 2010!
ReplyDeleteRuja, I take your words in email and here I am to comment on your thoughts. :-)
Well honestly nothing much to comment but the point is very simple. As Nitin said, "U" have to decide "how much is too much" (BTW Nitin, I loved that line to "hear" from you after long time). Relationship is a very very strange thing I have always found. Sometimes it just doesn't work out no matter how much you seriously try to keep it and sometimes it just works effortless!!!
Pelu Gujarati ma ke chhe ne..."Sachava pade e sambandh sacha nathi hota ane sachha sambandh sachava nathi padta". So I strongly feel that there is nothing like "maintaining" a relationship. Same holds true for the relationship we are talking about.
In case if you are reallly having hard time to "maintain" your relationship with your partner, I don't think there would be any point in "maintaining" it further.
So before any relation, you & your partner should be clear enough with what expectations you both have out of that relationship. With that I think there would be less chances of "looking around".
Baaki to you know it goes like that song...
dil ka bharosa kaise koi kare...dil ki yehi khata hai...Dil ko nahi pata hai...Ki Dil chahta hai kya?? :))
Cheers... have a rangeen life!
Thanks Nitin and Sachin for your valuable comments!!!
ReplyDeleteLove this Sachin.. * Sachava pade e sambandh sacha nathi hota ane sachha sambandh sachava nathi padta *
Hi Ruja!!
ReplyDeleteU have put down a thought which somewhere at some point of time runs in every married individuals life.... !!!
The thought of "getting involved with someone else".... the thought of finding a person who may give you your freedom ... freedom to think, express, love, share..... which sometimes u may not find in an existing relationship. This thought always lingers in one's mind..."what if... I get attached with another person" .
This happens when our marital relation goes thru tough times or we come to some saturated state where everything seems to go on and on as it is from years.
At this moment, many of us start struggling with our emotions, our feelings and go in for such temptations.
But I would like to put down in strong words.... that "Marraige is the most sacred institution". Before we commit ourselves to someone we should always know that- Come what may.... we have to make the relation work, one cannot easily give in to one's desires and fall for another relationship. To make yr marraige work, one has to try till the last minute. Changing lifestyles, changing moods, learning yr partner's likes and dislikes once again, giving a new romantic touch to yr relation...... all this can definately make the marraige work. In Short "Starting again.... " can make things work and u may find a completely new dimension in yr marital relation.. a new motivation .... to go on and love yr partner once again!!
So all in all.... I would express -" I Love You, Sachin"!!!! :)
Thats so sweet of you disha.. I would also express myself here - "I Love You, Chirag"!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Ruja, i must say that you picked up good topic that you cant answer single sided.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere "An affair is the other way around between "Marriage" and "Divorce" ".
If you ask anybody "What is important in a marriage?" Most will answer "Commitment" but i would say "Commitment to yourself". If you love someone, you should commit yourself not the person you love. "Prem karvanu badha sikhe che, pan prem [relation] nibhavvanu Koik j"
Moral of "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam"
But that does not mean that having affair makes you un-committed. The person you are in a relation should be eligible to have your commitment, its rail track, you need both track to start the train. Many real life affairs happens due to lack of certain aspects of marriage like "Responsibility, Importance and Priorities, Love, Child Support,especially Sex and emotional support"
Sometimes an affair does not have any root of occurance. its a fun for a person [Totally Practical People]. Such person do not believe in relationships. They marry because of tradition.
These are few reasons we can discuss at higher level, but its deep concept and also relates to phycology of humans and their cultures and lot of other factors.
I agree with Nitin upon "excuses". Bottom line is "You are always right when you are alone".
I found good write up about causes of affairs: here it is
In most marriages, the breakdown is not only one spouse’s fault. Rather, the causes appear to be a constellation of general life experiences. Many times, the faithful spouse is inappropriately blamed (especially if it is the wife) for “pushing” the infidel into the affair. Though, I have seen cases where that was true, most of the time it’s a gradual distancing between both partners that lies at the root.
For men, the felt need is often loss of playfulness, a lack of flirtation, and an absence of adoration or respect from the wife. For women, it’s typically the loss of tenderness, care, and concern expressed by the husband. Since most of us marry to “get more” of our new spouse—more time together, more fun together, more lovemaking—you can see where disappointment can enter the picture. (From the book: Torn Asunder, by Dave Carder)
-- Humans always tend to have "MORE" rather than "Enough".